Now and Forever

Aimless, lost, tattered, robbed, wounded, numbed..is the exact mood.

I was a man with an aim, a destiny.. a contented joyful demeanor. However, a few lines from a fateful letter robbed me of my sanity and stability. I am now a man in a familiar yet foreign land. A state so surreal yet real. I was ripped off my determination and a shattered heart replaced. My pride trampled and bruised; leaving a permanent scar. A scar that will haunt me forever. Like a diamond, how ever its clarity and colour shines, it only takes one flaw to devalue it. A defect will always be a defect.

Was it the lack in passion? Or is this a punishment for a delusional sin I so wished it was not.

Why? Why hoist me up so high and make me take this great fall. A fall so disgraceful and humiliating . If this was not for me,  why not tell me earlier? Why slam my doors of opportunities and alternatives shut so fast and hard? Leaving me in despair and sorrow. Is this the way I should be rooted and taught humility? If it is then You have made your point crystal.

In this hard, cold exterior lies a boy of insecurities. A self esteem built by made- beliefs. A foundation of confidence made from sloppy unfinished concrete. It is all a facade. Like a scale, it only takes a few weights to tip it and everything comes crumbling down. If this is the motive, then you have succeeded.

You sent a messenger to enlighten me, but I'm not sure I'm convinced. It is a whole new concept with an entirely new understanding. I'm sceptical, yes I am. But what is being said is true and logical. This should set me free, but why do I still feel trapped?

Like the domino's effect, one collapsing after another; My life is left in ruins

I pray I find my answers soon.

Perhaps this is karma.